Who's serving who?

I have this clear memory of a random Thursday afternoon.

My house had just been cleaned, I came home from work and all the signs led to “start cooking for Shabbos now.” Get a headstart, feel super accomplished, have a less stressful Friday..the whole thing. It was really really enticing.

Thing is, I didn’t have the energy. I didn’t feel like I can actually pull off that super gishickt image of myself I had in my mind. I really wanted to, but I stopped for a moment (literally 10 split seconds) and checked in with myself.

Can I navigate parenting while cooking?

Will I get frustrated at little things too easily, and at the same time have a hard time stopping whatever cooking project I’ll be in the middle of?

I checked in with myself and on this very day the answer was very clearly no.

So I took them all out to the park, because I wanted my house to stay clean. I went to sleep with peace of mind and did a marathon Friday.

And that was ok.

Some Thursdays, I feel extremely on, I feel like I will be able to navigate the flying house and I dive deep into so many projects. 

The point is, what works on some days doesn't always need to work.

For me, once I let go of “rules” for myself, I felt so much calmer. I’m still learning, I’m always learning. It’s all about trial and error and not an exact recipe.

The recipe is being in tune with myself. 

Once I learned to monitor my stress levels (yes, literally!), I can then make very mindful decisions. 

Homemade pizza for dinner? Maybe yes, maybe no.

Cleanup before I go to sleep? While I would always love to, maybe yes and maybe no.

Fold laundry and enjoy that fresh feeling? Maybe today is the right day, and maybe not. Everyone will find their socks just like they did yesterday.

I don’t mean to say that slacking on house chores is the way to go and every part of house keeping is optional. What I mean to say is where we spend our energy is up to us.

A friend once told me that she does dishes right after supper because she won’t have the energy to stand later in the evening, but she’ll fold laundry later because she doesn’t mind doing that while sitting.

That’s exactly the point.

We don’t need to be stuck to a certain “way” or “method” of housekeeping if it will be using our energy the wrong way.

I like to think of it that my house is serving me, I don’t need to serve it.

Once I am capable of choosing how to take care of things - which may change from one day to another - I can create the space to not constantly be frustrated or overwhelmed by the day to day chores.